There is a stereotype that stable relationships and love ties are only possible in a monogamous couple. In the twenty-first century, alternative versions of the family have emerged. They are no longer based on “man-woman” couples.
And we are not talking about non-traditionally oriented people, but about those who prefer fidelity and stability, family values. But they look at this issue differently.
Historians and psychologists also believe that the traditional family is a social construct that became relevant in the era of hunting and gathering. But it is human nature to want to spread one’s genes, so there can be many partners. This is biologically necessary for the sake of genetic diversity and enhancement of the human species.
Relationships in animals don’t focus only on reproduction either. All living creatures need partner support – one takes care of their offspring, the other looks for building materials for a house or nest. There are species that pair up for a certain period of time and separate, but swans, on the contrary, are faithful to each other all their lives.
In the life of humans, everything is ambiguous. R. Martin’s book, Evolution and the Future of Human Reproductive Behavior, raises the question of whether humans are inherently polygamous and monogamous by nature. Man is a biosocial being, his desires are a complex tangle of tasks and needs, temperament, emotions, culture, upbringing, and moral attitudes.
If monogamy suits one, it will make another unhappy, and vice versa. A person has to understand how he himself wants to build a relationship. Several options for alternative unions have become popular. All can be tried in practice. At the heart of the choice is a personal desire. Of course, by mutual consent of all parties involved.
Polygamous lifestyle
A polygamous person enters into relationships with several partners at the same time. Polygamy and polygamy have long been practiced by different peoples. For example, Muslims, African and Indian tribes, Nepalese Tibetans and other national minorities. This variant does not equal adultery, where one of the partners has an outside, secret family. Yes, one can have many wives or husbands, like the Mormons. But that doesn’t make life easy or carefree.
Polygamy is always open and socially regulated, legally and socially approved. Cheating is also discouraged and even punished. A large number of wives means a large number of responsibilities. The condition for marriage is wealth, because a large family must be provided for.
The emergence of polygamy is connected with the religious and national order. Also, if a person intends to marry, relates himself to a religious group. If it is a secular relationship, a romantic connection, then here it comes down to polyamory or an open form of family.
Polyamory
The idea of the “perfect partner” is common in society. Many people dream of finding perfect love. The search for such an ideal partner leads to a “falling in love – relationship – separation” cycle. If a second partner or beloved object appears, it is a sign of a crisis in the relationship, a collapse of trust, suffering and lying. But there is another concept: is it worth suffering and breaking up if you love several people?
Polyamory is a new trend that is gaining momentum. Proponents of this style of relationship believe: to love more than one partner is normal and legitimate. But there is one condition: the transparency of the relationship.
All members of the “triangle”, “square”, “polygon” must know about each other and approve of the relationship. The behavior of a polyamorous person cannot be treason; he informs his partner in advance that he has an interest in the other object.
Usually more than two people are involved in polyamorous relationships. New variables arise in the relationship, the “exclusivity” is no longer confined to two. But the type of relationship depends on the particular case. Partner A may be in a relationship with B and C, and B and C may be unrelated (especially if they are of the same sex). But everyone knows about each other’s existence, or B and C have their own partners.
There are many variants of the relationship, but the basic principle is that the participants are aware of each other. Sexual orientation can also be different here, but there are many polyamores with heterosexuality.
Open relationship
If two people enter into a relationship, remain a couple, they may allow sex with others on the side. The difference with polyamory is the presence of a main couple. With polyamory, everyone is equal, there is a main couple. Also, love and romantic relationships are only possible with the couple, the other connections are fleeting or non-serious infatuations. Other partners may not know about each other.
Also, the open type of relationship occurs at the stage of lapping to each other, when the partners are still “testing” their connection, finding out the points of contact and commonality of tastes. After several years of open relationship the couple may move to monogamy.
Or, conversely, after being closed to each other move to an open relationship. Emotional attachment and family values are a priority. If a marriage has passed the test of an open relationship, it means that intimacy between partners has reached a certain level.
Privileged friendship
In the original, this phenomenon sounds like “friendship with benefits,” simply put, “extended friendship,” sex with a friend or close friend. There is no special romance here, no expectation of starting a family. It is about a bond of good friends who simply decide to have sex. Often friends agree on intimacy for a period of “no fish,” with humor, or simply on the basis of trust and understanding.
It can be a relationship without commitment. But they do not cancel the principles of friendship: honesty, sincerity, support, and trust. A sexual element is added, basically the context of friendship is preserved, certain boundaries are built.
If the partners-friends have families, then the boundaries are especially respected. The risk is in the emotional reaction, the attachment of one of the participants in the relationship. Friendship is subject to risk and a strong test. If love is born, tragedy can happen, but the format implies that there will only be sex – and nothing more.
It happens that friends even have children with each other, raising them one by one. But there is no goal to create a family, or the relationship does not grow into something more.
Sologamy
Living solo is not just a solitary life, but a type of personal relationship. Solitude has a reputation for not being the best. More and more people are choosing this style of being. The argument in favor of solo existence is that it is possible to be single even in a family, with a bunch of partners. However, a single person has a lot of time and energy for creativity, self-development, career, freedom and space to move around the world.
All resources, space and time belong to just one person. Sexual relationships, as well as emotional ones, are possible, but mostly solo-oriented people live alone and do not want to change their lifestyle to marriage or polygamy. The typical problems inherent in married life do not arise here.
But there is a major point that prevents one from enjoying the joy of singleness and freedom. It is the societal prejudices that label all single people as losers. But globalization imposes its imprint on society, many are disappointed in love, traumatized or just learned to live in harmony with themselves. That is why loyalty to singles grows day by day.
One simply gives up the attitude of finding someone, of building a relationship. If a couple is not found, it is not a tragedy. Loneliness is not synonymous with sociophobia, asexuality, or any kind of abnormality. Often this choice stems from personal considerations after unsuccessful experiences, but not necessarily.
There are cases where people have formalized their marriage to themselves. This option is legally permissible. Cases are recorded in states with certain legislation. Such cases become a news sensation and are discussed as a curiosity. But still something drives people to take this step. For some, it is an outrage, a way to declare their principles.
Others see no other for themselves and their personal lives. Singles can date, have sex and children, but do not set as an end in itself the creation of a family. You need to warn your partners about your attitude so as not to hurt someone’s heart.
Summary
To summarize, we can say that the traditional monogamous marriage is not the end of the line. There are alternative options for self-realization in the relationship. They can bring happiness and harmony to all who are interested. And were conscious, voluntary and full of love. But it’s important to be aware of how much you have enough resources – emotional and material – for a particular type of relationship.
Scientists believe: the degree of monogamy or polygamy depends on the individual. Influenced by genes, cultural background, preferences and tastes. Polygamy or polyamory should not be confused with promiscuity or promiscuity. However, they note that in metropolitan areas, where same-sex marriages or unconventional types of relationships are more common, people are influenced by such examples.
Simply put, they notice a new trend, become interested and discover other forms of relationships. Not everyone can bring them to life. It requires personal interest, the consent of the partners, as well as resources and conditions.
The question is different. How mature and responsible are you and your potential partners? Society is generally quite patriarchal, so approval for these forms of relationships is not to be expected. These forms are mostly common in big cities and developed countries, where all areas of life are influenced by the economic aspect.